~Just One. Just For a Minute. Just To See How It Feels.~

     I was doing remarkably well with the non-smoking thing.  I had two days of pretty bad cravings, and then I felt fine.  In fact, I felt disgusted by the scent to tobacco that lingered around my husband. I started to suffer from the non-smoker superiority that says, "You are such a doofus to continue smoking when quitting is so easy." 

     And then I fell for the, "Just once, just to see how it feels" trap.

    It didn't taste good, it hurt my lungs, my headache came right back and much like Mr Carr predicted, "..the first cigarette will do nothing for you.  You will have no with drawl pangs to relieve, and it will taste awful" (199). 

    I set on the step wondering why I was making myself smoke the whole thing.  I was ashamed because I am a public quit-smoker, and there I am cheating in my garage with a Marlboro red--which isn't even my brand.  I put it out after a few puffs, convinced that I had just passed the ultimate test of non-smoking.  I didn't enjoy it, so why would I ever do it again?

    Mr Carr covers this too, "What it will do is put nicotine into your body, and a little voice at the back of your mind will start saying, "I want another one."  Then you have the choice of being miserable for a while or starting the whole filthy chain again"(199). 

   After a week of not smoking that was relatively easy, I caved and smoked.  And then I smoked again, and then I had a beer and declared I was a big loser and smoked some more.

    And now I am back to step one of the quitting process. 

    I don't know if writing about this quit smoking thing is making it easier or harder for me.  I believe it makes me more conscious of the fact that I have to stop, but it also makes me more ashamed of myself when I fail.  I believe that non-smokers have a hard time grasping what the hard part is, and I believe that smokers that know me personally think, "ha ha!  You can't do it!  You are addicted, like us!  Come to the dark side, we have beer and smokes and all the excuses you need to continue!" 

   So there ya go.  I am a loser.  I am a public quitter who bragged about how easy it was to quit, and then I had a smoke.  And much like Mr Carr predicted, the first one did nothing for me--it only created a need for the next one. 

     The "Just one, just to see how it feels"trap is a good one.  It catches me every time.

   

Comments

[Kelli]

Oh girl, I sooo feel your pain. What's stupid is I have quit like 3 times before and have fallen for that "I just want to try one" trick, too. Thus, I've resumed smoking 3 times. Once I even made a pact with a co-worker who gave up dipping. When he heard I was smoking again he started back on his bad habit, so I have a double dose of guilt. But we will do this. We WILL!!

[Laura]

Why do we do the things that we know are bad for us? I personally believe that is the question of the universe.

[Paige]

Thanks for the heads up. I have lately been thinking that maybe just one. You know I don't want it, I don't miss it was just wondering if... I don't know. All stressed & depressed & crap. I won't do it now because your help. I will scream out the word NO
Thanks & sending good vibes & non-smoking prayers your way.

[Nadine - Healthifica.com]

Don't worry, Deborah.

As long as you keep on track, you'll definitely make it.

Just don't give up!

Good luck!

[Kim]

That's the big lie in all unhealthy addictions - the just one. Next quit you will know the secret - you don't have to not smoke 20 a day or a carton a week - you only have to not smoke that very first puff and you'll be fine! hahahaha. yes, I know how hard that is and how easy it sounds. Thing is - it's simple, not easy.